When Face-to-Face becomes more like Phone-to-Ear

Well hello! Aren’t these strange times we’re living in? I’m not sure about you, but I’m finding that more and more of my life is moving behind a screen or over the phone than it ever has before – including how I do youth work. I’m excited at the thought that this isn’t a style I need to keep up forever, but I’m all about giving it a go and working out how to do it best regardless.

If you’re a fellow youth worker like me, or a young person reading up on how our side of things works, it’s like this: weird. Don’t get me wrong, I love chatting to young people over the phone and checking in each week to see how the lockdown life is going, but it’s much harder to gauge emotions or tone when all you have is a voice to listen to. Did you know that over 90% of communication is actually non-verbal? This means that over video calls we’re working with the remaining 10% because we can actually see the person, but I’d like to argue that on the phone it’s even less than that!

So what are my top tips? The key to good youth work, I think anyway, is a good conversation and a sense of humour. Here’s how this has played out for me:

1. Acknowledge that this whole thing is a little bit odd:

Starting off any telephone or video conversation with a young person can be a bit strange because we’re working in a context that is very alien to both of us – we’re used to the buzzing games table, or the quiet and reflective craft area (or sometimes the other way around, let’s be honest!). Acknowledging with the young person that this whole thing is a bit strange can alleviate any awkwardness or feelings of not quite knowing how to do it – for both of you. From there, you can establish some ground rules with the young person and set up together how you want these interactions to work.

2. It’s okay that sometimes it’s just a bit quiet:

When we’re working face-to-face with a young person, if someone doesn’t say something for a few seconds it doesn’t really make a difference – but over video or telephone call, a few seconds can feel like several years. Our old friend awkwardness can creep back in and unsettle us, but try and sit with the silences and allow them to happen. If they’re genuinely going on for a long time, feel free to bring the conversation to a close, but if it’s a space for reflection or gathering together a sentence then it’s okay to let it be.

3. Have a few key questions up your sleeve:

Some workers find it helpful to establish an agenda with the young person for their conversations or meetings, but this doesn’t always work for everyone. I prefer to have a few conversation starters up my sleeve to get the ball rolling – and especially if those silences are a little longer than they should be, it can help start up the chatting again. Sometimes it might mean that we are talking more than the young person initially, but all it takes is just one witty comment or question (that’s where the sense of humour helps!) and then the young person is nattering away.

Be kind to yourself in this. Chatting over the phone might not be a special skill of yours – but it doesn’t take away from your skills as a youth worker. Picking up the phone signals to the young person, and also to you, that you still care – you’re still invested in those face-to-face relationships, and you’re changing your style to maintain consistency.

Well done you, youth worker!